Memory Lane

It's been about a year since my family moved in with Mom. I think we have all been thinking about her. Karis said something that was very Grandma. Nate said he was hungry for one of Grandma's hamburgers. (No one makes them like she did, but Karis comes closest.) Meg noticed Grandma's beautiful pink camelia blooming. Ev wore Grandma's shirt to class.

I went back in my blog last night to find the entry for the day we moved in. I found it, and then read through the rest of January. And February. And March, April, May, June. I think I gave it up somewhere in July.

Oh my. The sweetness and sorrow.
The regrets.
I wish I had been kinder and gentler.
I wish I had started slipping Mom medication sooner. She suffered so and was unable/unwilling to ask for help.
I wish I had gone for a walk every day.
But mostly, I wish my parents weren't gone.

Happy Birthday, Mama

Today is Mom's birthday.
A year ago, her five children gathered to celebrate Mom's 91st year.

This year, I like to think my Grandma Minna whipped up one of her famous towering cakes in honor of her girl's 92nd. Maybe they even hopped in the car for a road trip to celebrate.
Happy Birthday, Ma.
I love you and miss you.

Shadows

Santa brought me David Crowder Band's Church Music in my stocking this year. (Thank you, Santa!) I love this song called Shadows.

Life is full of light and shadows.
Oh, the joy and oh, the sorrow.
Oh, the sorrow.
And yet will He bring day from night.
And yet will He bring dark to light.
When shadows fall on us,
We will not fear.
We will remember.
When darkness falls on us,
We will not fear.
We will remember.
When all seems lost,
When we're thrown and we're tossed,
We'll remember the cost.
We're resting in the shadow of the cross.

Good

I've been thinking about 2013.
I am not sorry to see 2012 go.
2012 was hard.
It was sad.
I long for better days. For happiness, health, and sparkle.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that even though I can say goodbye to 2012 and know I won't go through that again, there is no guarantee for sunshine and light in 2013. I can long for better days, but the only sure thing I have is God's promise to work all things together for GOOD for those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. Well, that's me. I love Him. I'm called according to His purpose. So as we begin the new year, instead of fixing my hope on an easier life (which I still would really, really like), I'm going to look for the GOOD in each day.

I think that is my word for 2013: GOOD.

As in, Be the GOOD you want to see in the world.
And, Surely GOODness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.
And, Be GOOD to yourself.
And, Overcoming evil with GOOD.
And, Is this GOOD for me?
And, He isn't safe, but He is GOOD.

A friend posted this prayer from The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions on her blog. She gave me permission to share it here. Thank you, Nikki! I think it is a powerful benediction to 2012 and blessing on 2013. God is GOOD.

O LOVE BEYOND COMPARE,

Thou art good when thou givest,
when thou takest away,
when the sun shines upon me,
when night gathers over me.

Thou hast loved me before
the foundation of the world,
and in love didst redeem my soul;
Thou dost love me still,
in spite of my hard heart, ingratitude, distrust.

Thy goodness has been with me
during another year,
leading me through a twisting wilderness,
in retreat helping me to advance,
when beaten back making sure headway.

Thy goodness will be with me in the year ahead;
I hoist sail and draw up anchor,
with thee as the blessed Pilot of my future
as of my past.

I bless thee that thou hast veiled my eyes
to the waters ahead.
If thou hast appointed storms of tribulation,
thou wilt be with me in them;
If I have to pass through tempests of persecution
and temptation,
I shall not drown;
If I am to die,
I shall see thy face the sooner;
If a painful end is to be my lot,
grant me grace that my faith fail not;
If I am to be cast aside from the service I love,
I can make no stipulation;
Only glorify thyself in me whether in comfort or trial,
as a chosen vessel meet always for thy use.

Sparkle

At some point this fall, I realized that every article of clothing I've purchased since Mom's passing has had one common characteristic.

Sparkle.

I didn't do it on purpose, but everything has a little bit of bling. Normally, I'm not a blingy girl. Usually, I gravitate toward fall colors and solids with nice textures. (So much so that I did not know you cannot make it through airport security with sparkles on your shirt. Who knew?)

I guess somewhere in my sub-conscious, I had a need to shine. And after all, I think a little sparkle is a nice antidote to the last year.